At Home Access Solutions we work with the changes that occur due to disability and aging. It’s not uncommon for people to deny the need to change in response to disability or aging and it’s not uncommon for that act of denial to lead to disastrous loss of independence and quality of life. Watching people destroy themselves makes me unhappy. It is so sad, and so unnecessary.
I understand that you may be tempted to click right off this web page right now. No one, absolutely no one wants to hear someone tell them that they themselves should consider changing. But I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you are intelligent and brave enough to hang in there for a few minutes. Besides, I might be talking about someone else changing, not you.
When W. Edwards Deming said, "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.” he was talking about managing a business not life in general. However, I believe it is applicable to managing your life when you are faced with changes around you that are beyond your control.
Since thinking or talking about aging and disability makes some of you uncomfortable let’s talk about change in a regular every day, every person life. Let’s look at getting food to eat. We all do that. With the recent upheavals in our economy, I’m sure you know someone who has had a reduction in income. They still need to eat. So they have a choice. They can continue to buy food and groceries the same way that they did when they had more income, or they can adjust in response to the changed situation. They can choose to continue to spend money at the same rate or choose to change the way they spend on groceries and food- eat out less, eat at less expensive places, or choose more economical dishes to cook. You can see where this is going. If they don’t change in response to the changes around them – reduced income – DENY if you will the need to change, they will run out of money and not be able to feed themselves at all. If they acknowledge the need to change the way they obtain food and groceries, and spend less, they have a better chance of continuing to do what is important- Eat. Respond positively to the changes around you and you will win. Deny the need to change and you’ll lose.
I understand that it isn’t easy to acknowledge the need to change something about yourself, much less embrace it, when you don’t feel like you asked for the change and you didn’t really cause the situation to change around you. A person who has to change because of a disability or aging usually hasn’t asked to become disabled or older. I’ve listened to my clients ask why they have to change. Whether it feels fair or not, it’s their life and their situation, and success or failure lies in how they respond to the changes in their abilities and circumstance. Denying the need to change by figuratively or literally crossing your arms, drawing your line in the sand, standing firm, and resisting change all feel so pro-active. These actions make you feel like you are taking charge and preventing loss. It’s a false feeling. It’s the first step on the road to disastrous loss of independence, of choice, and of quality of life.
Just like in my story about reduced income and eating. The way to win when change is necessary is to change how you respond so that you can continue to do what is really important to you. Here are some concrete examples that a lot of people facing changes due to disability or aging face: Which is more important, the way you get in and out of bed or that you can get in and out of bed? Which is more important, the equipment you use to move through your house safely or that you can move around in your house at all? It’s really the end result that matters. Respond actively to the changes around you and you will win. Deny the need to change and you’ll lose.
Thanks for listening to me talk about the big scary C word- Change. I hope that my words will give you the tools you need to delight in the world around you and stay excited about the adventure of living. To do this, embrace change.
To reward you for hanging in there, I’ve collected some quotes about change and added one of my own. Email me with your favorite from my list or another great one you find somewhere else. I will select one person from all the responses I receive before January 15th to win a $25.00 Amazon.com gift certificate.
"We would rather be ruined than changed;
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die."
--W.H. Auden
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." --Maya Angelou
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston Churchill
"When you are through changing, you are through." --Bruce Barton
"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have -- and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up." --James Belasco and Ralph Stayer, Flight of the Buffalo (1994)
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it. --Yogi Berra
"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” --Nathaniel Branden
"He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." --Harold Wilson
"Nothing is easy to the unwilling." --Thomas Fuller
“If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one.” Cavett Robert
“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." --John F. Kennedy
“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” Scott Hamilton
“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” --Mike Murdock
“You can’t go out and conquer the world if you can’t get out of the bathroom.” BevVan Phillips
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” --Reinhold Niebuhr
"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." --Unknown
"People don't resist change. They resist being changed!" --Peter Senge
“The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem."
--Unknown
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." --Unknown, commonly misattributed to Charles Darwin
“The time to begin most things is ten years ago.” Mignon McLaughlin
“Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege.” Author Unknown
"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." W. Edwards Deming
Email me with your favorite from my list or another great one you find somewhere else. I will select one person from all the responses I receive before January 15th to win a $25.00 Amazon.com gift certificate.
